Should I make the move? Should I sleep with him? What if I don’t sleep with him and he doesn’t love me anymore? These are all questions that we ask ourselves when considering a sexual relationship. In today’s world, it seems so common to have pre-marital sex. You even say to yourself- “Why not, everyone else is doing it, my parents seem ok with it, so what’s the point in waiting?”
To address this, I think we must first agree to something- we are all imperfect. You are imperfect, your parents are imperfect, your spiritual leaders are imperfect, and even the Apostles Peter & Paul were clearly imperfect. So who does that leave to give us an example? Who do we look to for advice if everyone is so flawed? That would be- my friend Jesus. We look to his words, and the word of God in the bible to show us what example we should follow. I think you’d agree, we all want to do the right thing, but when we are constantly bombarded that the “right thing” is lame, old fashioned, irrelevant, or just plain stupid, it seems to make it hard to do.
Jesus’ message was clear- to love God with our heart, our soul and our mind, and to make our bodies a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are to use our bodies to glorify God. When we love God, we love others- when we love others, we love ourselves- and when we love ourselves, we respect our bodies. As teens, we have to work to get to know Jesus, to love God, and to love ourselves. At the same time- we can’t use the fact that parents or other adults in our lives have had pre-marital sex, to justify our sexual actions. We will all be judged by God and Christ someday, and I don’t know that the justification of- ”well my parents did it” will go over too well with God when we have the knowledge and teachings of Christ in our hearts. Mistakes are made, repentence comes, and forgiveness is granted to those that seek it, but let’s all agree that we want to try our hardest to do the right things according to God’s Word. We must measure ourselves by God’s standard, not our own. Also we must realize that unlike some other sins that we commit- pre-marital sex comes with mental, physical, and even spiritual consequences. The bible calls it “a sin against our own body” meaning that the consequences are different from other types of sin. It’s a good idea to fully know and understand these consequences.
Statistics- Teen Sex
-Although only 13% of teens have ever had vaginal sex by age 15, sexual activity is common by the late teen years. By their 19th birthday, seven in 10 teens of both sexes have had intercourse.
-On average, young people have sex for the first time at about age 17, but they do not marry until their mid-20s. This means that young adults are at increased risk of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) for nearly a decade.
-Teens have been waiting longer to have sex than they did in the recent past. In 2006–2008, some 11% of never-married females aged 15–19 and 14% of never-married males that age had had sex before age 15, compared with 19% and 21%, respectively, in 1995.
-However, after substantial declines in the proportion of teens who had ever had sex between 1995 and 2002, the level did not change significantly from 2002 to 2006–2008.
-In 2006–2008, the most common reason that sexually inexperienced teens gave for not having had sex was that it was “against religion or morals” (42% among females and 35% among males). The second and third most common reasons for females were “don’t want to get pregnant” and “haven’t found the right person yet.”
-Among sexually experienced teens, 72% of females and 56% of males report that their first sexual experience was with a steady partner, while 14% of females and 25% of males report a first sexual experience with someone whom they had just met or who was just a friend.
-Seven percent of young women aged 18–24 who had had sex before age 20 report that their first sexual experience was involuntary. Those whose first partner was three or more years their senior were more likely to report this than were other women in that age-group.
Looking to God’s Word:
“One final word, friends. We ask you – urge is more like it – that you keep on doing what we told you to do to please God, not in a dogged religious plod, but in a living, spirited dance. You know the guidelines we laid out for you from the Master Jesus. God wants you to live a pure life. Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity. Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 4:2-5 – The Message Translation
“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” ~ 1 Corinthians 6:18-19 – The Message Translation
I’m in a sexual relationship and I want to get out:
8 Steps to Freedom from Sexual Relationships
STEP 1- REPENT
At this point, you’ve realized that you have a problem and ADMIT it. Sexual sin is very addictive and accompanied by denial often. You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge. Acknowledge the problem and ask God for his help in prayer.
STEP 2- CHANGE ENVIRONMENT
Eliminate the avenues that allow you access to Sex. If it is a boyfriend or girlfriend, break off the relationship without further communication. This is by far THE MOST DIFFICULT of all eight steps.
STEP 3- DISCOVER GOD’S LOVE
No matter how badly you’ve messed up, God still loves you and wants to see you turn things around.
STEP 4- DEVELOP GODLY RELATIONSHIPS
Find friends that will hold you accountable to God’s Law. Choice of friends, is the determining factor of the path yo uwill follow throughout the course of your life.
STEP 5- DISCOVER SERVANTHOOD
Most sin is rooted in selfishness. Learn to serve others daily.
STEP 6- FORGIVENESS
At the point you have truly and seriously made a change, ask God for his forgiveness. When we make changes in our lives according to God’s will, this is an example of true repentance. God forgives a repentant sinner.
STEP 7- THINK LONG TERM
Begin to think long term, and DON’T dwell on past failures. In other words, forgive yourself. Develop a plan for your life “From Now On.”
STEP 8- TAKE UP THE FIGHT
Put your energy into helping others who are going through what you have gone through. Give them strength and hope that they too will be able to overcome this particular sin, just as you have.
If you are struggling with the consequences of a sexual relationship or sexual addiction and are uncomfortable speaking to your normal counselor or youth leader, please use the resources below:
Over the years I’ve heard many “talks” on sex, but one that stands out is a video I came across many years ago- “Sex has a Price-Tag”. This talk impacted me, and I’m sure it will impact you too. I encourage you to take some time, listen to what Pam Stenzel has to say, and really take these words to heart. She speaks the TRUTH in LOVE on SEX far better than I ever could.
Pam Stenzel- Sex Has A Price Tag